Good times bad times nostalgic times

- Never Stop Dreaming -

I guessed to achieve certain dreams if not all dreams, sacrifices no matter how minor or grave are necessary and so this was how I paid mine. The path which I had decided back then is now half completed and slowly I thought I had it all until the all so familiar faces, the smiles, the giggles, the hugs and memories started to surface from the vivid lake of the forgotten.

Mummy has more grey streaks now and she walks more slowly, daddy has aged more and was no longer the man I knew who lifted huge slabs of stones. Mummy has less aspirations for herself because she just wants to spend more time with me and daddy just wants me to get married soon. Little brother is all grown up now and has become more of a man than I am, well I am still a kid as usual. He dresses pretty smartly and has the charisma to shine...but still I pull some strings on his style and head gear of course.

Certain visions has become much clearer but there are some issues that I felt compelled to accomplish. Indeed I had not provided anything for my parents for a while so mummy's complains about borrowing cameras and a backpack came across to me as a form of responsibility to fulfill. In the end, I bought the Canon S90 and a Japanese design bag for Mummy because her smile was my satisfaction for a long long time to come. Daddy on the other hand just wanted to enjoy so food was something that he always liked and I tried to clear the bill for each meal. Then of course the fact that I was entering into the professional realm of photography was an opportunity to fulfill my duty as a son. Though I cannot provide perishable wealth, photography became a medium to preserve the beautiful memories that I shared with my family. An element so strong and untainted by time or nature. I tried but still in the end, I was only half satisfied because nostalgic memories brought tears to me eyes.

Then my good friend brought his troops whom I knew little more than their names and a couple of friendly chats back then. I was most impressed with getting a little closer to them and slowing understanding them more as a personal friend. We shared good times and I missed their giggles, smiles and laughters.

When everyone left, I knew I was back where I had started, alone and spinning a web of illusion to every local here. I was sad because good times fly past and I meant really really GOD DAMN fast. But still there isn't the slightest hesitation to deny a retry and live my life in SG. Just not something that I can do or forgive myself for doing.

Then I started to speak, I have spoken to a few lucky people of my interpretations but sadly some people are simply too proud of themselves to listen to anyone and it's here I realized that those around me who used to be and still are my inspirations are still in their own exclusive league above average man in the street. They are the ones who listen and they are the ones who are very talented with recognition without self promotion.

Before that I defined how the casual chat actually contained a deeper meaning to people like me and likes around me. It was my way of luring out the a friend or foe of my level from the usual nonsense sprouting trash who never fails to amuse me each day with their stupidity. It's hard not to bite the bait when ego is at stake so a very well orchestrated master piece that worked once again was laid out without much effort and the Law saw it thru right from the start.

Talking is a 2 way conversation while a speech is a 1 way conversation. Most, in fact everyone don't think much of talking especially casual conversation but I see it very differently. Talking is merely a medium of conversation and a conversation is merely a medium of exchanging information. A mastery of the art of conversation is to collect as much information from the other party without being detected with the intention to facilitate any of the followings,

1. To aid and to cut down the learning curve but leeching on the experience of others.

2. To fish out more information pertaining to certain issues.

3. To force the other party into a pre-determined situation without being detected.

4. To ridicule or to amuse others like minded around.

5. To put oneself in a favorable position.

Speech basically is made when the speaker is of a certain calibre where everyone else LISTENS to gain as much as possible.

Then I started to go deeper and defined why fashion is a very crucial part of our existence. There are 5 mortal senses and the sense of sight is possibly without a doubt the only sense that allows an evaluation of a total stranger. Here is where fashion plays a TREMENDOUS part in making an average person stand out to be noticed. Once that ambiguous barrier is broken, speech is the next optimum weapon to use since we can paint who ever we want to be to the other person. Here is where genuine conversation shines and bragging, let's just say it's not always efficient around talented people who KNOW their stuffs. Continuing from above, if one is adept in the mastery of speech, following up on the relationship of the 2 strangers would be of relative ease.

The point is that if you set too high a bench mark from the start, you better make sure you can keep up because falling from high places usually results in fatalities. Moving on to the internet...

These days, the power of the internet have indeed brought people closer and surprisingly, stores an immerse collection of virtual information readily available for free. Sadly all these technological marvel seems to make most of us lazier and to a certain extent, more stupid.

Take for example how those unsolicited emails get around faster than we blink our eyes simply because people these days just abuse the "forward" button. Those spams, pity some poor mofo crap, FB charging people, help some S.O.B. Tsunami/Earthquake victims, etc, the list goes on like a bottomless pit and many of use simply forward these emails to our vulnerable friends without even questioning the credibility of it.

From the way I see it, I began to question how these people have their lives written out like a 3 year old kid's story book which I could read with little or no effort. So does forwarding these emails satify your inner insecurity that your friends would be better informed and appreciate your actions? Or the fact that you felt like you did a good think and really think that some Haitians would benefit from your actions? No doubt that we all have different reasons to use the internet, to use it wisely is perhaps the hardest concept to put across to the common folks around us. Google and other major search engines are not surprisingly available 24/7 and yet these names become unknown then the "forward" button appears. A simple check with google while still seating on the same seat, staring in front of a screen and a few simple clicks of the mouse have become a hassle for some. Like a chain reaction, our little compassionate actions to inform our friends would simply lead them to their immenient end.

I am sad, I miss everyone back home and everything back home but still I have found my path and that sadness usually only last for a transitory period of time.