Rationalise and compose

- Never Stop Dreaming -

With just some crucial hours before dawn, I am counting down my remaining time left here in Singapore. My flight for Japan is 2040 hours (Singapore Time) on the 6th of August 2007. Just finished some last minute checks on my cargo before sealing them and completing my week long preparation since receiving official news that I have been offered a position in Japan, Nagano Prefecture.

Well for those who have known me for some unimaginably long years, the mere fact that I have been obsessed to land myself a job in Japan since a long time ago is of no element of surprise to them. I have work "remarkably hard" (that is if you believe...!) to fulfil this destiny that I have chosen and since the initial intention to embark on a journey to seek my dreams, I have not looked back but continued running forward. The truth is that the beginning is always ardous and futile and besides the occasional set back here and there, I have learnt to hold on dearly despite all unforseen external influences and I told myself to stop only when I get to the very end. But somehow it's just a little weird that when I actually got the official confirmation sometime like 2 weeks ago, I was rather lost and I felt a sense of uncertainty rather than letting out a roar of delight that I could fulfil the first step to complete the master blueprint of my dreams.

The sense of uncertainty incapacitated my cerebral ability to rationalise and I felt like being sucked into a blackhole facing emptiness and void darkness. It's just funny how something that I've longed for and eagerly awaiting for it's arrival seems to cause uncertainty and panic the moment I actually got it. Didn't really know what to do with it when i actually have the physical possession of it. And so I begin to slowly back out and view the situation from a whole new pespective and regain my composure and finally, make a decision that will probably changed my entire cognition.

Somehow, the proccess of defragmenting myself to piece back the fundamentals elements that occupy up my memory seems to yield more blanks and i question myself time and again whether the sacrifices made are justifiable. This is where the "regrets" factor becomes a multiplier to the other actions that I have chosen. But...at the end of the day, I'd still have chosen the same path despite all other constraints being factored in.

Ok looks like I'm all set to start my life in a new place, where people can't prejudge me based on my past. They'd just have to know me from where I position myself. Till then, rest well and start the week less the Monday blues and before you know it, Friday's just around the corner less me...