The last farewell...

- Never Stop Dreaming -

With only a good couple of days left to close yet another year, I have to make some final adjustments to venture into the new one. Sadly Christmas is just another day here in Japan where every Japanese knows the day, the name, the presents but no one really celebrates it since it's not a public holiday to begin with. 2 prior, 23rd of Dec was actually a public holiday, the Emperor's Birthday but with just one day sandwiched like ham between the regular work days, I don't suppose much can be done.

2009 will end in a rather cold, dark fashion for me contrasting the past Tokyo partying year ends. The reasons are simple, I have to make plans for next year which will mark a rather important feat in my life. Rolling in Jan, on the 11th, which so happens to be a public holiday in Japan, (Coming of Age Day), and so happens to be my birthday as well, I have a second interview scheduled. Though I cannot ignore the fact that I am childishly employing the thought of some supernatural powers on my birthday to pull a miracle off for the interview, I have to embrace it like an adult, like a professional.

Yes in case you missed it, I am pretty much over entertaining kids here. 3 years, things have changed and so have I, the enthusiasm, the fire, the energy back then had all vanished and I really do not enjoy what I am doing. To err on the safe side, I would opt for a new environment, a new direction, a new passion, a new path for me to see a decent future in. It's only when one truly enjoys what he or she is doing can perfection be achieved. I cannot agree more that the money's good, the holidays are fantastic and the work itself is more like getting paid to do nothing but all these at the expense at me becoming more lazy and more paranoid. I need a more challenging job, something with a deeper meaning and significance, something that would be able to leave a legacy if possible. I want to be able to grow with it if not in it and all these I cannot envision in my current job.

Currently there are 2 positions that I am vying for, 1 in Tokyo which I would give it full priorty and the second one some 45 minutes where I live now. Both positions are in the same industry and of course related to photograhy but each have it's own merits. Here's my situation...

1. If I get the opening in Tokyo, I would have a new environment to work with. More luck in love perhaps, more opportunities, more shopping, more vibrant life, more friends, etc. The downside would be that I have a smaller house, higher rent, no more personal car, slave to public transport, no snow, no mountains, no fresh air, no waking up to white fluffy flakes, not much savings, no more nature, etc.

2. If I get the opening near my place, I would have more snow, be able to buy a car of my dreams, a nice house, white winter, personal space, quiet thinking space, nature, mountains, snowboarding, more savings, etc. But at the expense of no life, no partyings, no luck in love, no city life, no conveient shopping, no toys, no games, not much human contact, etc.

Options, decisions and choices flood me and very soon I have to make a decision and stick to it. Since I grew up in a big city, I am obviously leaning towards option 1. Because I would definitely want more friends and I am willing to trade the snow which I have come to love so much for it. So no huge ass parties in Tokyo this time round but more savings and more subtle parties to prepare for the huge change next year. Somehow it's always the ending of the year that makes the entire year worth it rather than the beginning of a new one...quite simply, I do not wish to grow old.

So if you were me presented with these 2 options, I am really curious, which one would most pick?

Of course there are other issues on hand but right now, I am only pinning my every hope, energy and sacred beliefs on the career change. Everything else can wait after I make the big leap of faith. Closing an otherwise eventful, boring, spectacular or epic year is like ending an otherwise perfect relationship. There are so many things to think about, so many issues to consider, so many decisions to make, so many faces to answer to and so much more directions to venture into and I just wished I could stop everything and relive the entire year again not changing anything. Somwhow when an end is placed to mark a new beginning, people in general begin to realize the oblivion, make changes, resolutions, etc. which would otherwise be taken for granted. Herd instincts perhaps and to be human perhaps...and because we all have free choices, it's the consequences that follows that will ultimately affect out decisions. And because we are attached to so many elements both physically and mentally that we care so much as to how to start a new beginning. If we have nothing to lose, nothing to attached to, nothing to look forward to, absolutely nothing in our lives, like emptiness in nirvana, would we still make significance of the current year and step into the new one?

I seriously doubt it.