Co-workers' wedding

- Never Stop Dreaming -

I have always been a huge fan of traditional Japanese weddings and being here for almost 3 years, I had attended 3 major Traditional Japanese weddings and 2 regular Japanese weddings. The huge difference is whether I get to see a SGD$3,000 per day rental of Kimono or the typical western white gown.

Of course I would want to see the exclusive Japanese kimono since the white gowns can be seen in SG as well. Here are some of the wedding pics of 2 of my co-workers. Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous and mind you, I am not the main camera dude, like always, I scrape the crumbs on the plate... ;p

Mr K.









And after I got the 5DMk2 for my brother's wedding in Aug, I came back in Oct to crash another TRADITIONAL wedding of another fellow co-worker. Once again, I am scraping the bits...someday, someday my big break will come! In this particular wedding, the pictures might have a slightly different feel and approach simply because of the influence of Master B's style and inspiration. And of course I had the opportunity to fiddle around with a new camera, a new challenge and a new perspective.

Miss O

The last farewell...

- Never Stop Dreaming -

With only a good couple of days left to close yet another year, I have to make some final adjustments to venture into the new one. Sadly Christmas is just another day here in Japan where every Japanese knows the day, the name, the presents but no one really celebrates it since it's not a public holiday to begin with. 2 prior, 23rd of Dec was actually a public holiday, the Emperor's Birthday but with just one day sandwiched like ham between the regular work days, I don't suppose much can be done.

2009 will end in a rather cold, dark fashion for me contrasting the past Tokyo partying year ends. The reasons are simple, I have to make plans for next year which will mark a rather important feat in my life. Rolling in Jan, on the 11th, which so happens to be a public holiday in Japan, (Coming of Age Day), and so happens to be my birthday as well, I have a second interview scheduled. Though I cannot ignore the fact that I am childishly employing the thought of some supernatural powers on my birthday to pull a miracle off for the interview, I have to embrace it like an adult, like a professional.

Yes in case you missed it, I am pretty much over entertaining kids here. 3 years, things have changed and so have I, the enthusiasm, the fire, the energy back then had all vanished and I really do not enjoy what I am doing. To err on the safe side, I would opt for a new environment, a new direction, a new passion, a new path for me to see a decent future in. It's only when one truly enjoys what he or she is doing can perfection be achieved. I cannot agree more that the money's good, the holidays are fantastic and the work itself is more like getting paid to do nothing but all these at the expense at me becoming more lazy and more paranoid. I need a more challenging job, something with a deeper meaning and significance, something that would be able to leave a legacy if possible. I want to be able to grow with it if not in it and all these I cannot envision in my current job.

Currently there are 2 positions that I am vying for, 1 in Tokyo which I would give it full priorty and the second one some 45 minutes where I live now. Both positions are in the same industry and of course related to photograhy but each have it's own merits. Here's my situation...

1. If I get the opening in Tokyo, I would have a new environment to work with. More luck in love perhaps, more opportunities, more shopping, more vibrant life, more friends, etc. The downside would be that I have a smaller house, higher rent, no more personal car, slave to public transport, no snow, no mountains, no fresh air, no waking up to white fluffy flakes, not much savings, no more nature, etc.

2. If I get the opening near my place, I would have more snow, be able to buy a car of my dreams, a nice house, white winter, personal space, quiet thinking space, nature, mountains, snowboarding, more savings, etc. But at the expense of no life, no partyings, no luck in love, no city life, no conveient shopping, no toys, no games, not much human contact, etc.

Options, decisions and choices flood me and very soon I have to make a decision and stick to it. Since I grew up in a big city, I am obviously leaning towards option 1. Because I would definitely want more friends and I am willing to trade the snow which I have come to love so much for it. So no huge ass parties in Tokyo this time round but more savings and more subtle parties to prepare for the huge change next year. Somehow it's always the ending of the year that makes the entire year worth it rather than the beginning of a new one...quite simply, I do not wish to grow old.

So if you were me presented with these 2 options, I am really curious, which one would most pick?

Of course there are other issues on hand but right now, I am only pinning my every hope, energy and sacred beliefs on the career change. Everything else can wait after I make the big leap of faith. Closing an otherwise eventful, boring, spectacular or epic year is like ending an otherwise perfect relationship. There are so many things to think about, so many issues to consider, so many decisions to make, so many faces to answer to and so much more directions to venture into and I just wished I could stop everything and relive the entire year again not changing anything. Somwhow when an end is placed to mark a new beginning, people in general begin to realize the oblivion, make changes, resolutions, etc. which would otherwise be taken for granted. Herd instincts perhaps and to be human perhaps...and because we all have free choices, it's the consequences that follows that will ultimately affect out decisions. And because we are attached to so many elements both physically and mentally that we care so much as to how to start a new beginning. If we have nothing to lose, nothing to attached to, nothing to look forward to, absolutely nothing in our lives, like emptiness in nirvana, would we still make significance of the current year and step into the new one?

I seriously doubt it.

Prophets and Prophecies

- Never Stop Dreaming -

Over the weekend, some strange things happened and though I tried to interpret what the hell just happened, I couldn't even scrape the the shavings off the sides.

What started out as an ordinary Saturday evening with some concept photography going on at a rather spectacular rocket place, things took a sour end towards the dawn of Sunday morning. After the photography session, I headed to a party with a friend, a fellow photographer enthusiast. The theme of the party would send most guys losing rational logical reasoning due to it's erotic nature, but sadly, I wasn't impressed.

The venue where the party would be held was definitely commendable where the dim lights, the arrangement of the furniture and the ambience blended in perfectly to resemble a neat club type of theme. One of the better grounds I would visit again since the rest were simply shady, crammed and smog filled. 2 portable but sturdily positioned steel poles were in placed cordoned off by chain barriers. The theme for the night or rather the main attraction of this party was, pole dancing. As the hordes of crowds roll in, mostly pathetic males with pea sized brains, I began to "study" the place, the people, etc like a potential psychopath. Unfortunately, only a small fraction, rather, like only less than 5 of the female "population" there cleared my strigent criteria for lens food. I brought both film and digital for the event not for the fanciful pole dancing but more for the candid crowd shots.

Alas, as the night went on, the show soon started with 4 scantily clad ladies from Tokyo to appease the crowd. I took a little while to appreciate the huge contrast in the reactions of the males from the females, much to my expectations, I was right on. Except the bartenders, the DJs dishing out some really good tunes, majority of the guys were completely smittened by the sex appeal of those ladies. The female form in the least amount of legally acceptable modesty paraded and then slithered on the cold steel poles defying gravity. Out of the 4 ladies, at least for me, only 1 had a good sex appeal not because of the skimpy undergarments but because of the way she moves and how she perfectly excuted a "ceiling walk" that the rest did not. I did enjoy the show since these ladies were awesome in pulling off some incredible moves. Not only did they opened my vision to pole dancing, I have so much more respect to the art itself than the typical erotic nature. *Clap* *Clap* *Clap* Nothing like I have seen back home in SG.

In between the little pockets of dancing, I would glance around to observe the candid crowd. Then I spotted a presumably "pro" photographer with his twin Nikon setups with flash. Not sure if it was coincidence, the bespectacled, slightly plump middled aged man going thru life crisis type of greasy bloke in the bad fashion sense seems to be THE kinda photographer that I see at events where hot ladies in skimpy clothes were concerned. Dang...I was beginning to wonder if photography as a job would put me along the same lines with him in years ahead. Shit ass scary even thinking about it. While I was concentraing to frame the exotic dances in an artistic way, peeking into this particular "pro's" LCD showed a different perspective, the kind that only featured strategic bits of the female form in adult publications. I shook my head in disgust and thought, "Where are the superior intellectually challenged species where I can share a good piece of conversation?"

With all that action coming to and end for the 1st round, with round 2 and 3 later into the young morning of Sunday, I took a little breather outside at the parking lot. I looked up and admired the still of the night and saw 2 shooting stars within 30 seconds apart. I really wondered what that really meant...a sign from God waiting to be deciphered? It was here where I found a friend of mine and someone whom had been introduced to me earlier discussing some intense issues. Friend H was drunk and was gonna head back home in a "Daiko", H was worried about K who was also apparently drunk so H "entrusted" K in my care. I wasn't sure what to do since I only met K like an hour ago thru H. So I seeked the help of an aquaintance, KC. While the 3 of us were discussing what to do with K who was badly intoxicated with alcohol, no one bothered K who was shivering in the parking lot. It was freezing out there like a good 2 to 3 degrees but no one offered a jacket or lifted a finger to K who was only in a thin business jacket with no insulation whatsoever. I went back to my car, grabbed my 1 and only winter jacket and offered it to K whom had no idea what was going on. H took off so KC and I were disussing what to do with K. Since H left K in my trust before taking off and I asked KC to help out, KC took K into K's car and told me to wait. I barely know KC but what seems like K was clearly "ok" talking to KC, I told KC that I would go back into the party to wait since it was freezing cold outside. I SPECIFICALLY told him to inform me if he decides to move out since H left K in my care, I deemed responsible for it.

When I came back out into the carpark lot some 15 minutes later, K's car was gone, presumably with K and KC in it! "FUCKED!" I said as the situation was now becoming rather tense. Firstly, K had my jacket presumably with my house keys in it though it was my fault for being nice and offering my jacket without checking. Second, K was very intoxicated and I barely know KC. "Oh boy this is getting bad" I thought as I filled my fist with rage ready to strike KC for ignoring my specifically simple instructions. If something bad were to happen, I really don't know how to explain to H who entrusted me with such a simple task and yet I screwed it up. I called KC and the line went thru but was clearly cut deliberately halfway. Then the phone was off and I couldn't get thru...I was desperate and I went to seek others who might know K's no. They called and the phone was again off...I began to panic and feared the worst as the trust for KC's aquaintance began to crumble like tumbling blocks.

Together with 2 other fellow friends, we waited and called them on irregular intervals, poked around others who where sleeping in their beds 2am in the morning for information but to no avail. Though not violent by nature, I could feel my tolerance vanishing and angst boiling. In the end after like 90 minutes had passed, I took off in my car afraid that I would really rain punches on KC. I was back outside my house and THANK GOD I had my house key in the car instead of the jacket but still I was raging like a demon. 4am in the morning, KC called me and apologized for what had happened. He said K was feeling bad and he took K for a drive and had off the phone since it was late and he was discussing some pretty serious issues with K. Like I cared anyway but they were back at the parking lot with my jacket. Not to mess the shitty situation any further, I opted to meet KC the next day for my jacket. Then K called me and apologised for everything but seeing that K was fine and everything was just my wild imagination, I chose to let everything rest despite still being pissed.

Shooting stars, misunderstandings, angst, apologies, etc...with 2009 coming to an end, what exactly is the universe or God trying to relate? I am not a prophet so what does all these really mean? A test? An omen? WHAT?!

Have been plagued by misfortunes recently, both me and people around me...does it really mean that if I do not die in a misfortune, I will be very lucky? I doubt so in such superstitions...I look forward to a new beginning, a new dawn, a new direction...

Destiny in a white envelope

- Never Stop Dreaming -

A while ago, I did some demo class and because of some screw ups, I actually did 2 on the same day back to back with only 15 minutes grace between them. Surprisingly to many other Japanese and English teachers and distinguished guests who came that day, most marveled and were impressed by the classess. Even the most respected professor commented that that was probably the best demo class he has ever seen. I really beg to differ since my views were completely different.

Honestly, I felt that it was pretty much like a regular class except with a little more content. There were no rehearsal before hand and that the class went on like a usual class. The fact that many people were surprised was that the English level of the students were in fact far greater than the those of other schools. And now many others want to replicate the demo class.

So here's the real deal.

It takes years and crucial bonding with the students to get to such a level. Jumping straight into it would be a definite failure from the start. Demo class are meant to be a learning experience so replicating it a 100% is ridiculous. One have to digest a good influence, understand it completely and then tailor it to suit the specific needs of their own class. Throwing back 100% to the students without understanding the concept and the gist of an otherwise great demo class is clearly an insult to the class itself. Everyone is different so specially tailored classes are the only way to yield results. Yes, being impressed and wanting to do like wise is a healthy step forward but crucial planning is equally essential as well to incorporate the essence than blindly copying.

Sadly, I have since lost a relatively huge chunk of that once vibrant teaching spirit. I have seen and experience enough to conclude that only those willing to improve will. Each time a rebellious or defiant kid wrecks havoc, each time an introvert, unpopular kid rejects the lessons, the Japanese teachers will feed me with reasons like "Oh, he has family problems...", "Oh, her parents are divorce...", "Oh he has some mental problems..." which of course are all valid reasons. I do not wish to know and have absolutely no interest or whatsoever in these reasons and I really do not give a damn. I want to know what can be done, I want to know a solution and I want to know how can things change. Knowing these valid but redundant reasons not only waste my precious time, nothing's gonna change anyway. If there are indeed problems, go seek proper medical attention or consult a psychiatrist which I am none of the above.

Japanese teachers are either too soft and give too many reaons to get crucial things done or too extreme and let their fists do most reasoning. Either way are equally bad to kids who are maturing from 6 to 12. This crucial period will determine their aggression when they hit adolescence years. Besides that, they have no incentive to study since all the kids graduate whether they pass or fail the tests. I tried but in the end, like MJ, I have to throw in the white towel and say, "This is it!". I am most willing to forsake the numerous holidays, decent paycheck to pitch my wares elsewhere where there are more meaningful reasons to continue a job. In private English schools, people pay good money because they really want to learn whereas in public schools, I have to entertain those who really want to learn/study and those who are just there to waste their youth, time, energy and be a nusiance to the rest.

Even as a wedding photographer, I see myself rendering a service to one of the oldest rituals in the passage of lives to preserve the unison of a couple into eternity. Indeed meaningful but not as noble as saving lives like a doctor yet still much better than donning a clown suit and entertaining pesky kids. I do love kids and would really want to impart to them a skill which have been lacking in many of their species but the environment and the system is stubborn, unforgiving and laughable.

With that, I put together my most decent set of pictures into a disc, together with my resume I sent them in a white envelope to an unknown address in Tokyo. The contents in the envelope is my destiny which I can only pray and hope for the best for now. 2010 is a brand new start for me and hopefully I can have a brand new direction to advance...

- Never Stop Dreaming -

I realized that I haven't been putting up pictures on my site for a while, instead there are more wordy rants than anything else so here are some of the missing stuffs.

She had the height, the look and the vibe so I asked her to be my lens food and she agreed. She was A, my friend. The lighting was perfect, the colors were perfect, the back drop was perfect and the entire photoshoot went smoothly. In the end, I didn't even bothered to fiddle much with post processing since everything that came outta of the RAW files were splendid. 1 camera and a single 35mm lens was all that did the magic.











While slowing moving into the miraculous depths of B/W photography, I thought it might be better to fiddle with some digital B/W to get adjusted to the absence of the colorful spectrum. Some strobes were used and a lot of try and error since I am doing the entire shoot of myself by myself. Numerous shots were taken of course since flash memory was of no cost compared to films but despite all that, only a handful of usable ones were yielded from the attempt.