- Never Stop Dreaming -
For the past 576 hours, approximately 24 days and slightly 3 weeks, I was back in Singapore doing misc. errands and catching up with my birth place, meeting friends and savouring those all so familiar local fares. Partying was promptly skipped for various reasons beyond my control and at times, I seem lost in the city that I once knew it like the back of my palm. Eventually I chose not to chase those missing pieces and instead, I roamed those that seems to be held back by time. The trip back home after almost a year was initially dreaded but since touching down in Changi to the warm hugs of my parents, everything was bent on imprisoning me like a fugitive.
Yeah I know how I used to spin tales on how much I wanted to be in Japan and re-lived my dreams, unwilling to go back home but since then and against my very will, I am forced to eat those words humbly simply because of my weak mentality. The all so comfortable environment, the friendly faces and the sweet enticement was exploding the vulnerable and defenceless me. Nothing could have shielded me against such compelling forces and to top the finishing blow, the sad and teary reluctant smiles on the faces of my families, aunties and my grandma...man I wasn't born without emotions and even the strongest forged blade would sucumb to a harmless brush with ink. I was no different.
I won't and I simply can't discard those emotions that were once so dear to me, that nutured me and groomed me to who I am today...This trip back made me realised that they are indeed too precious to me despite all my efforts so far to deny them. Well I can't change my birthplace, my eye color, my race or my roots so might as well accept them. I have evolved and have matured in my thinking over this 1 year but still there are some childish instincts and foolishness lingering somewhere. It may be true that most people wants to remain young and energetic and there's a kid in everyone but for me, I guessed I am always the kid, The Kampung Kid who never strays far and swears by hokkien occasionally, Ha.
Some other factors may be present for my current mental constitution being kiddish (is there even such a word?!) Trying to grow up as I can, people around me pamper me too much, protect me and restrict me too much which ultimately rob me of my growing space. Typically for Singapore where most citizens are too pampered by the No Nonsense Gah Men to even think for themselves. Not that I am implying that I had a deprived childhood or missing Sesame Street but it's just that sometimes the very people that are always trying to protect me, have my interests at heart may be the very people who are affecting my well being. In other words, if I want to grow up, I have to be a rebel, create problems and put the word arcoss to everyone around me that I am an individual who seeks freedom and self realization. I have to be recognised as an disintegrated and unique individual with my own sets of life philosophies and cognitions. I need my own growing space to cultivate my identity. But you see, I have tried and time and again, I can't seem to send the message across. They of all people will never be able to accept me and let me go. Way past the era of law enforcement personels in khaki shorts to 3G handphones, internet and A380 jets, still the mentality of them chose to live in the past, rooted strong and never waver. Not the slightest possibility to alter that.
Then seeing all those angst to explode from the grasp to hold me back, I found myself being chained by filial piety, social norms and ethnic cultures and each time I see how my mum talks to my grandma, I realised that of the 3 sons that my parents had conceived, I see myself the very one who my mum seeks solace in...With my elder brother married and living in his own house, me in Japan pursuing my dreams and my younger brother in Australia doing his degree, I guessed I am still the presumed favourite among my brothers. My mum needs to talk to me everyday or she will get become overly nervous and she still sees me as the little naughty boy in my kiddy years so I guess I am the one who will never be able to grow up. I was the problem child who had big dreams, a big rebel, and the one who created the most problems and yet I was the one who never grow up. *Sigh* yeah I know but it's sad...I am chained.
Back in Singapore, there were numerous people that I managed to catch up, some old and some new but there are those whom I had known for great ages who simply were not able to squeeze out time to catch up. That's not polite at all and there were those who seems to enjoy their bliss that they had been denied. All in all, I am glad that there are still people who still hold me so dear, look up to me in awe and from me whom they draw inspirations.
And there was the Greatest Pirated Olympics the world have known (which I shall dedicate a seperate entry for), National Day parade which was skipped because the Beijing Ceremony was to good a fake, the upcoming F1 race which I have been the most delighted to be promised a single day pass after the event and all the Channel 8 dramas. Oh not to miss out the "You owe money, you pay money!" dude from Calafare on Channel 5 which have won my hearts hands down.
Of course there are no infinite sweetness so here comes the sadness...Food in particular was quite a let down, especially for Chinese cuisine. Fuel for my mind over my growing up years were outrageously insulted as the taste and presentation were decorated with nothing short of piracy. Thank you Mainland folks for destroying the many years of history and goodwill. Food stalls that once serve the best delicacies in Singapore are now offering simply the brand name. The Mainland Chinese that were hired from cooking to serving are simply...incompetent. With the taste that I have come to love gone, I wonder why I would still patronize such unhealthy rubbish. The only consolation that I get is that Thank God the Muslim and Indian still whip up fantastic Nasi Ayam Gorengs and Roti Pratas. Except for a few hardcore Chinese stores whom I give my upmost support for they still hold they heads and reputation up high, serves in your face attitude but never missing the taste and authenticity.
And so upon reaching Changi Airport on the early morning of 18th August, I bade goodbye once again on my homeland and fought back the tears while waving goodbye to my parents. Yeah I do indeed miss everything back home but like I did it last year, once I landed in Narita, the enthusiasm and thrill that I had exactly a year back dressed me up like a suit of confidence.
- Ending Notes -
Great that I met Yumi and was able to chill with her at Mt. Faber after a fantastic dinner.
Superbly honourned to find the missing pieces of my friendship by catching up with Desiree and spending long hours gossiping. (I love Movenpick)
Very very blessed that I was able to catch Money No Enuff 2 with Evelyn and those hugs and kisses.
To Eileen, Desmond and family-soon-to-be, Bryan, the NP skating peeps and the really distinguished people like Lucian and the rest of the Tenrikyo staffs, my ex Japanese classmates, The Law himself Lawrence, it's these people that makes life's a journey of hopes and dreams only to be littered with sarcasm and critisms but hey I do enjoy it.
To my family and cousins, aunties and my 1 and only grandma, Thanks for the parties and well wishes, I will never forget to enjoy on your behalf.
Disappointed that long lost brothers and 1 sweet Turkey-strickened babe didn't had time to meet me, stood me up and cooking the lamest excuses.
No hard feelings...and eating words are never pleasant
Peace...
